So I have cousins all over the place, my dads parents had over 60 grandkids and now all those kids have kids and I’ve got relatives worldwide it feels like. My 13 yo daughter and I came to Oahu to visit some, a sister in law and an aunt but the flooding made it impossible to get to my aunt who I would usually stay with so I booked last minute a two night stay at the Island Colony hotel in Waikiki. While we were there just sitting outside waiting for a shuttle to take us to get a rental car so we could head to North Shore, I notice this tall handsome guy walk by and I said - hey that looks like my cousin Brian. Then I realized hey he walks just like my cousin Brian. I knew Brian lives “in Hawaii” but honestly didn’t even know which island. So he’s walking into this building and I said “Brian?” To see if he looks and he does and I said this last name and he goes “yeah?” I‘ve never removed my mask and run to hug someone so fast ever- I was so excited.
Turns our North shore was having so much rain that getting there would be difficult anyhow so we got our rental car, Brian finished working (sells real estate and was there to show a condo) and we called my Aunt who was waiting for us and she goes “oh how wonderful! Go spend time with him, we will see you when you get here” so with that free pass we went to Hula Grill and talked for two hours straight. Mostly me and Brian, my daughter just kinda looked like - mom, you know everybody.
I've decided God puts people in our lives at different times for a reason. He knows that my big worry now is messing up my kids by getting divorced. It’s not like I have any choice in it, there’s no room in my family for my husband’s girlfriend or his alcohol, tobacco, or deceptions that just got bigger and bigger as the years went by. But I just didn’t want to become another typical divorced single mom statistic. Messed up kids with issues of their own relating to their parents failed marriage. When we were 10 or so, Brian’s mom, my Aunt, cheated on Brian’s dad and we all kinda disowned her and kept in touch with his dad. Being kids, I’m sure we didn’t know all the details- we just know that she left and married another man almost immediately. I remember seeing my uncle who I loved so much be so hurt. My two cousins who were affected by this were so sad. It was my first close-up of what divorce looks like and to be honest, these cousins are the reason (well one of many) that I refused to consider shared custody. As small children, they were always leaving. We would try to go over and hang out with them and they were constantly leaving to go to the other parents house. It was disruptive to their life, our life, their parents lives, and a waste of gas getting them back and forth, back and forth for their entire childhood until they finally decided to just live full time with my uncle. The kids suffered and I had a front row seat to that suffering. My older siblings who understood the cause of the divorce better were unkind to my Aunt who did the cheating. They all talked about her and what an awful choice she made. Nobody liked her- not for 25 years, and I can’t say that I dislike her now, but I didn’t recognize her in the pics Brian showed me tonight. Not even a little bit. I haven’t seen her or spoken to her but once in 30 years- and that was briefly at our grandmas funeral. I don’t dislike her but I don’t know her whatsoever. I am scared this is what will happen to my husband. I hate the thought of him losing all we have together. Our kids won’t become the divorce statistic of always leaving as long as I have anything to do with it. And they won’t become so distant that they “can’t remember the last time they visited” their dad either because I always want to put my husband in a good light when I speak of him. I know he has been hurting and I know he has healing that needs to happen and for whatever reason, he wasn’t able to heal with me. He wants to be with somebody else and if he had waited till we were divorced I would have had an easier time with it, maybe our eleven year old wouldn’t dislike him so much right now but we all still need to make an effort to show love. Love the sinner, hate the sin... something like that, right? Well talking to Brian tonight had a healing effect on me. It made me wanna start visiting Hawaii a lot more, maybe bring each of my kids one by one to visit. There is a peace here on the islands that doesn’t come to you anywhere else that I know of. Peace is exactly what is needed in my life right now-
