Today has been a good day. My whole week last week was good. You gotta remember these days and journal so you have that on the rainy days of your life.
Through this whole divorce, I’ve used a few strategies for success.
keep the commandments, in this there is safety and peace
write in a gratitude journal with the kids each night, count your blessings and name them one by one
serve others
pray harder than ever before, and more often, and more sincerely, and then listen with a notebook and pen and then read what you wrote and pray about that too, make sure you got it down right and that there’s not more wisdom coming before you act on what you wrote
pray each morning as a family and read a little Book of Mormon, one verse minimum... and lots of those randomly picked were such loaded scriptures that seemed to apply perfectly and most were fairly incriminating to those who don’t keep the commandments *uhhmmm, Dad* but we tried not to point that out or laugh. Too much.
do come follow me each night
attend all your church meetings, be active, make friends, serve in your calling to the best of your ability
take the offered self help classes at church, personal finance was first and it was amazing, I’m in the emotional resilience class now and love it
ask for priesthood blessings, both for yourself and your kids
follow promptings. Promptly. And every step of the way seek guidance to know what to do next
Don’t judge Dad, it’s “not yo job” and if you find yourself wanting him to “pay for what he’s done” just remember, someone already has paid for it. Would you have it paid for twice?
get legal advice from the attorney, spiritual advice from the bishop and emotional support from friends, pay a counselor if/when you need help seeing thing more clear. Remeber, and attorney is $300/hr ans usually makes a poor spiritual advisor (mine was in a bishopric and could have done a good job in that department too... but he woulda billed me I think)
listen to the advice you ask for, especially when you’re getting the same advice from multiple sources
don’t use kids as messengers, the message will get mixed up each and every time. The kids are usually the ones feeling bad after the mix up happens, and you don’t wanna do that to them
find a common friend who is willing to pass along messages and use that friend sparingly
of all the paid for parenting apps out there, none will work if you aren’t able to communicate just the basic details without adding “you jackass” to every message so just go for the free one, AppClose because eventually you’re gonna realize it is no good either and you’re going to quit trying to tell them when the next band concert is since they never show up anyhow. Communication is hard, the less you can say the better
If it’s safe, let them go be with Dad but watch for warning signs and don’t split the kids up
be patient with yourself when you’re not perfect. Nobody is.
look forward A LOT MORE than you look back, and count your future blessings- those ones you can feel are just around the corner (it’s so much better than rehashing the unfairness and listing your current problems)
lean on friends. Make time for yourself and friends, be a friend because you’re gonna need friends
write down everything that makes you happy, and when you feel joy- acknowledge that feeling and just relax and be grateful for it
ask for help, especially when help will keep you from losing your job
do not get a “divorce dog”. Or in my case, don’t get two divorce dogs. Bad timing. Bad idea.