top of page
Search
  • Writer's pictureShannon Thomas

He Knows

Updated: Dec 8, 2021

So for Christmas this year, it was a first for me to do 100% of all the decorating, shopping, planning, wrapping, cooking, surprising, setting up toys, putting in batteries, and taking out the trash at the end of the day. Usually I'm only responsible for 99% of that but this year I put in the batteries too! The only real difference between this year and last is that we were in our new home and Dad was noticeably absent.



In the past 7 months I've read many books and talks on relationships and marriage and love. One of my favorites by far was The 5 Love Languages, by Gary Chapman. I downloaded the audiobook to my iPhone and listened on double speed to the whole book through once then read along and took notes the second (and third and fourth) time. I learned a lot about myself and about Dad. I learned that MY love language is "Receiving Gifts" and that Dad likes "Words of Affirmation". I'd say that my worst language of SPEAKING is words of affirmation- at least it's my worst talent when speaking to him. Guess what Dad's worst speaking love language is? Yep. Gifts. Always has been, from the crappy wedding ring he gave me (literally he bought the one that I tried on with him and said DO NOT GET ME ONE LIKE THIS, IT IS WAY TOO SPARKLY AND I HATE TOO MANY DIAMONDS) to the Tabasco and WalMart mug he gave me for my 40th bday after I worked an 18 hour double shift... Dad never did figure out how to give a gift that showed he cared, and it seems looking back now that he just never really tried to learn to do that. It wasn’t his love language and he hated all the gifts I showered on him over the years.



So for this Christmas, to start it out- I created this crazy fun, very involved December days of celebration that the kids and I threw ourselves whole-hearted into putting on. The first Sunday in December was "A Very Thrifty Christmas" the second was "Dollar Days of Christmas" the third was "A Homemade Christmas" and then on Christmas Day we did the traditional going-overboard with gifts and food. the kids drew names for each of the four gifting days and I took the kids shopping and helped each of them get something to give on each of the 4 "Christmas Present Days" in December. We also tried hard to have good Christmas breakfast foods ready for the after-gift exchange each Sunday morning.

I tried with lots of my time and money to make it feel a little like Christmas each Sunday morning in December and my kids really did have fun. We shopped at Goodwill for the Thrifty presents, where Three got Four a lovely set of flannel PJs that still had the Nordstrom tag on them, Six got Three a taco salad tortilla making pan set so he could make us good dinners. Five bought Six amazing personal and perfect gifts all with his own money (Five was the only kid who didn’t have to borrow money from me) and everything was opened and thoroughly loved. Four sewed a pillow with cats on the to give to Five (and he LOVED it) and overall it lightened the atmosphere for the season to have more than one "Christmas" to look forward to.

Around the 15th or so of Dec, I told Dad when he was picking up the kids- hey I think the kids want to get gifts for me and for you and maybe some for other kids besides just the name they drew so why don't you take $120 out of my bank account (still sharing the joint checking with Dad at this point... it's getting scary but I still have his name on an account for times just like this) and give each kid $30 then take them to Five Below and let them buy gifts. He did give them the money, thanked me, however he "forgot" to say this is to buy gifts for Mom, Me, and whoever. My kids all spent their $30 on themselves mostly... and a few bought one or two things for a sibling.

Fast forward Christmas Eve. I'm wrapping the last little bit of stuff and putting them on the living room floor (way beyond the idea of "under" the tree at this point) and I realize there's not a single gift intended to be given to me- other than the present my Relief Society President dropped off in November that I kept wrapped and under the tree. I'm thinking to myself, there's about 15-20 presents per kid here- they're gonna feel bad if I'm the only one not really opening gifts when we start going around the circle tomorrow and open our gifts. SO, looking over the WalMart order that was just delivered earlier, I see a package of toothpicks that look giftable and I decide to wrap those up for myself. For good measure, I also wrap up the egg slicer gadget I bought and write a neat little tag for myself "to Mom from Santa" on these two and put them under the tree.


Christmas morning, while my kids are all thrilled opening up the longboard, the embroidery kits, the drones, new blankets (LOTS and lots of blankets), the kickball setup, basketball hoops, the snow clothes and gloves, the books, the geode kits to smash open and see what is inside... and all the other big and little surprises I got them (plus stocking stuffers and my daughter's Hawaii trip airline tickets that is just She and I are going on) nobody seems to notice Mom's still waiting with one mystery gift and the two last minute santa presents. Finally someone goes "hey mom, what's in that one that's been here since before we set up the tree?" and I open it. It's this beautifully framed artwork with Christ and a woman at his feet kneeling and it says "He Knows" real subtle in cursive at the bottom. I just start crying like this is the greatest present ever given to me, for real- it tops any that I could remember up to that point.


An hour or so after breakfast I get a text from my old work friend Margaret (may or may NOT be her real name, you'll never know) who is in the hospital pharmacy that day and she says "Merry Christmas! How was your morning?" and I sent her the pics of my egg slicer and box of toothpicks and told her how Dad got $$ from me for kids to buy gifts for him and me and he must have forgotten to add in that last bit about me. She was like "what in the world???" because she already knew that I'd bought him several things- artwork for his home to hang in place of mirrors and things I'd taken when I left, the kids each picked presents for him that I helped them give, etc. She goes- well, this is your last Christmas to be disappointed- you just have to change the way you teach your kids. Try and help them next birthday, Christmas, Mother's Day or whatever to know what you'd like and then tell me and I'll come take them shopping!


Margaret asked me for my new physical address, I just figured it was for a card or something and I gave it to her. About three days later I start getting Amazon packages... like from the whole entire pharmacy friend group that I worked with these past 3 years. Those gifts kept coming day after day for a good week or two. Every gift they sent was kind, thoughtful, and all showed they knew exactly what I liked. It was shocking to realize I spent 21 Christmases waiting for Dad to step in and surprise me or ever help the kids give me something that I'd like, but that never happened, now here's the very last Christmas of our marriage, he gives me the shaft (like always), and suddenly I've got tons of gifts rolling in. Never before have I felt so loved or supported. I still have a $100 gift certificate to the Spa down the street from Margaret’s daughter who was my tech back two years ago that I've still not yet used. Kinda saving that one for April Fool's Day. Figure I'll need to feel some love around then.






10 views0 comments

Recent Posts

See All

One Day at a Time

Today has been a good day. My whole week last week was good. You gotta remember these days and journal so you have that on the rainy days of your life. Through this whole divorce, I’ve used a few stra

Water Under the Bridge

So much has happened I’ve lost track almost... but that’s because I’m not writing it all down anymore. This is lots different from the start of our family separation through the divorce itself. Back t

Life is what you make of it

So this past several months have been busy for us. We have had some downs- including kidney stones, a surgery, illness following that surgery, a tornado (or possibly an angry husband and his tractor?)

bottom of page